People, places and planes

I will be writing a lot in tonight's blog!
The following is from www.myoneword.org , and it is very profound in my life at this moment: "Whether we realize it or not, we tend to live our lives like we are in a House of Mirrors by engaging in the game of self preservation. Eventhough we crave to be in relationships with others where we are known, vulnerability is something we fear at the same time...even in our [closest] relationships there are often barriers that are erected to manage an image that we want to maintain. The barrier to developing authentic relationships is self preservation. In general, we want others to perceive us better than we even perceive ourselves. We often struggle with disappointing other people or not measuring up to some standard that always feels out of reach."
"We are afraid that if we take off our masks or expose our problems, we will be rejected...we struggle with whether others will perceive us as normal or not. If things remain the same and we allow self preservation to exist, we hinder our spiritual formation and growth. If we are to continue to grow out of our struggles we meed a community around us. If we are more concerned with our own self preservation we will hide behind an image that we want others to have about us. Our desire for self preservation is often at the expense of developing authentic relationships with those around us. So how do we start? As with all things, we CENTER ON GOD."
"If we are going to develop authentic relationships, we have to be AUTHENTIC ourselves and authentic with God about where we are. Authenticity is an accurate reflection of truth. Authenticity enables us to truly reflect where we currently are in our relationship with God. Whether it is good, bad, or ugly, our HONESTY serves as a starting point for conversations to begin and changes to occur."
So I absolutely agree with all of those things, but in my study of these words, I wonder, "How do I know whether or not I am living an authentic life? I like to believe that I am...that I would not be anythhing less than authentic. That is even what I tell people. And a few things come to mind: that the things we read and hear that are of God are put into our lives at specefic times for a purpose. Secondly, when others are able to point out to me in a loving way, (which has happened recently) that perhaps my life is not all that authentic, I need to listen. Lastly, in my quest for understanding this in my life, I know that I need to start as directed and CENTER ON CHRIST. I know that that is truly the only way.
And now a complete change of pace: I still have not discussed my trip through California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas and back again in exactly the reverse order. I had the great privilege of traveling with my sister and nephew and their unexpected to be amazing but amazing dog. As we passed county lines in CA, that got me all excited and when we entered AZ, it was so exciting to be in a new state. Being away gave me an opportunity to ponder upon such topics as I wrote about above: and though the word authenticity did not enter my mind, it is the word I would use to define my whole thought experience. New Mexico was a whole new experience...flat and really dry. Beauty prevailed in the amazingly artistic overpasses...especially the ones close to and in Albequerque. Then tada...TEXAS with all of its glorious fields and cows...and me hoping to see an armadillo or an elk. Typically I am the good luck charm when it comes to seeing wildlife on a road trip, but not so this time. I got to share a whole day with my sister (LOVE YOU MG!!!) in her new town, which is adorable...and ridiculously humid. I treasure our time in the car together, at the hotels we stayed at and eating pizza that was delivered one night, and getting to be at her home. I am grateful for getting to see some of the city's history the next day before catching my flight home.
Because I strive for a certain sense of anonominity {is that a word?} in my blog, I have left out so much detail and feeling which I have written in my regular journal. However, this last section will be much more detailed as I do not know the names of the people of whom I will be speaking. All I know is that I was supposed to be in the places I was in sharing time with the people I was with. I missed my original flight which was going to stop in NM and then have a plane change in LA: which was fine with me because the LA airport is my least favorite of all airports I have been to. Anyhow, I left TX and flew to NM: on that leg of the trip, I sat next to a middle aged woman and a guy who is probably a few years younger than me. He and I talked about family, work, animals, travel and parenting methods: he and his wife have a four year old little boy and we were discussing how important it is to teach our children how to be somewhat self sufficent instead of ridiculously dependent. He said he went a little overboard teaching his son that because recently when he had a couple of days off in a row his son was asking when he would be going back to work instead of what they were going to do together. I told him not to worry so much and told him the true stories of M, at the age of two, pushing kitchen chairs over to the counter so he could climb up to get his own candy.
From NM to AZ, I sat in the very back of the plane next to a very special couple who I could tell immediately loved each other deeply with all of their hearts: they were an inspiration to me. We talked about family and travel and religion. She works for Southwest, so they get to travel a lot, which I thought was so awesome. I had the opportunity to tell them about our adoption story: it was so beautiful to share and know that they needed to hear our story on that day. I truly loved this couple; they have been married the same amount of time as Don and I have, they have three children and are considering possibly adopting someday. It was truly a pleasure meeting people outside of my regular circle who value their marriage and their precious children as gifts from our loving Heavenly Father.
Then from AZ to CA, I sat a seat away from a father and a little boy who was throwing up most of the flight. I could tell the father was tired out from caring for his little son. As they returned to their seats after using the bathroom, the father asked the guy in the seat in front of him to put his seat up, well the guy did not hear the dad because he was engrossed in a book. The dad started getting really upset and began to raise his voice at the other man: I leaned over and explained to the dad that the other man had been reading and did not even hear his request. The dad was still all put out, so I suggested that he sit back in his seat and try to relax, which amazingly, he did. And then later, as our flight was near complete, the dad leaned up, patted the other guy on the shoulder and apologized. I was so proud of him and could not help but thank Heavenly Father for helping me to help make a difference in a person's life.
I am very grateful for all of those who made this trip a possibility: Don, my parents, my sisters, JW and KW and to GB for being our first away from home dog sitter!!
Eventhough we all try to plan our lives to the best of our abilities, Heavenly Father will have us be where we should be when we should be there when we are doing our all.

With much love, and particularly because of all that I wrote tonight, with much FAITH, K