Hello Friends!  (Lesson 11)

This week in our Family 300 class, we learned about intimacy and fidelity in marriage; I am going to breach my typical level of comfort and share openly some of our readings from the lesson. Following the example of one of the authors we read from this week, I am going with the teaching that we can speak reverently and respectfully regarding intimacy and fidelity. As the mother of an older teen, I know that it is important to speak frankly to him in regards of what to expect later in life. I am thankful for the resources we were given this week to help me in that quest and in my personal quest to be a responsive spouse.

Following is a quote from our reading: “In our spiritual lives, we are counseled to return to the temple often after we have received our personal temple blessings to give of ourselves in service to others and be reminded of the great and powerful meanings of the standards that we have committed ourselves to live. Likewise, in our marital lives, a frequent return as a couple to the union of sexual intimacy makes it possible to give of ourselves in service to each other and be reminded of the commitment we have made to unity and fidelity and love to our marital companion. What a powerful blessing this can be to a marriage relationship! And so, how disappointing it is when couples allow themselves to drift from seeking solutions in this area of marriage or fail to recognize that their inhibitions may be robbing them of marital blessings" (Brotherson, S.E. (2003). www.meridianmagazine.com) (Links to an external site.).

How important is it to discuss sexual issues, expectations, and desires in our marriage? One of the authors we read from this week describes these conversations as important as conversations regarding finances, recreation, and daily goals. As spouses take the time and energy to really talk and counsel about intimacy, they will usually grow closer in having a shared understanding as well as talking through possible moments of misunderstanding. Our loving Father in heaven commanded Father Adam and Mother Eve to multiply and replenish the earth; He likewise asks the same of us in these days. He expects that we will love and care for one another and that we will teach our children to respect the sanctity of marriage (as taught in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World").

May we each be blessed as we strive to improve our marriages and keep our covenants, whether they be for time or for time and eternity as set forth in temples of the Lord. 

With love,

Katie

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  Hello Everybody! (Lesson 10)

  Happy Thanksgiving! As I pondered this week upon what I was most thankful for, I chose "peace in our home." We have been short on peace for a very long time, and I am so grateful for the manifestation of more peace in the past four months. I know that much of the peace we are experiencing is due to my Family 300 course and the things I have learned and implemented regarding how to be kinder, more forgiving, and charitable. I have also learned to be more diligent in abandoning pride. Second, Don and I have been taking the self-reliance personal finance course and were promised that as we made a budget and stuck to it as well as strive to eliminate debt, our family would be blessed with increased peace. I am so thankful for that! 

  In Goddard's text, we learned this week: "Our weakness is divinely appointed. It is intentional and heaven-sent. And it has one purpose: to make us humble." What a loving God we have: He tailors experiences, trials, and weaknesses specifically for EACH ONE OF US...INDIVIDUALLY. His trust in us extends to another of Goddard's teachings from this week, "...God expects me to consecrate not only my time but also my THOUGHTS! EVEN MY FEELINGS!" (bolding added). I know that God knows ME; He is my loving Heavenly Father who blesses me richly in my individual experiences...even in my individual relationships. 

  John Gottman taught a similar principle in chapter 11, "...happy couples are aware of each other's dreams and consider helping each other realize them to be one of the goals of marriage." That is true charity; that is consecrating our time, our thoughts, our feelings...this I desire to do throughout my entire life!

  With gratitude,

  Katie

  
  

Hi Everyone! (Lesson 9)

     I have to start this post by sharing my gratitude for my Family 300 course. I am learning so much in such a short amount of time, and I feel that if I took this class for a full year which would be three times, I would still need to take more time to sink it all in. I continue to be astounded at how much our two texts work hand in hand (whoever figured that out is a genius). Drawing Heaven Into You Marriage  by H. Wallace Goddard and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman are the most profound marriage self-help books that I have ever read (I think I may have said that before!). I also love how our chapters coordinate with General Conference talks that we have studied: everything comes full circle and ties together so beautifully! I am overjoyed at this opportunity in my life to improve and change.

     This week, we have been openly challenged to think about things in ways that we may never have done before and especially to behave in ways that we may have overlooked in the past. From Gottman, "... the basis for coping effectively with relationship issues, whether solvable or perpetual, is to communicate basic acceptance of your partner's personality" (157). Further, we have been challenged by Gottman to soothe our partner. I have been imagining what the entire world could be like if everybody took these teachings to heart. However, I really need to focus on what my marriage can look like if I employ these beautiful, peace-filled ideas. I do not find it a simple task to communicate acceptance or soothe somebody when I am hurt. But this is precisely what we are challenged to do within the scope of these chapters.

     I appreciate the work that H. Wallace Goddard did in Chapter 5 regarding emotional and physical fidelity (I read that chapter too!). In the name of service, missionary work and kindness, many have been tricked by Satan and have fallen into traps without seeing them from a distance. It is so imperative that we ALWAYS keep ourselves spiritually and emotionally safe, even when we feel that there is no physical harm in flirting, confiding in, and caring for those of the opposite sex besides our spouse if we are married. When I was growing up, I remember that my Dad would never ride  alone in a car with somebody of the opposite sex; he always set such a good example for me, and it is something I have striven to exemplify for my children as well. Additionally, I feel that as we read the Ensign or Liahona magazine, we are blessed with articles to help us with these concerns specifically. This is a hard thing, and these are hard words, but I testify that they WILL keep us safe from some of Satan's most disguised deceptions.

Sincerely,

Katie

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Hello Everybody, (Lesson 8)

     Wow...PRIDE...that is a big word with only five letters that encompasses so much. In my life, I have always had to work diligently on not being prideful. My needs to be independent and to be "right" often outweigh my Christlike desires to be personally flexible and somewhat reliant on others. As a young single adult, I read "Beware of Pride" by Ezra Taft Benson for the fist time, and I remember thinking, "Why are people so prideful, and what can I do to abandon pride?" I also remember that I had already identified one aspect of pride in my own character, which was to be looking up from the bottom and judging those with more money, more influence, and more popularity. This was my way of dealing with many years of unkindness brought upon me by people with those very traits. I have had to repent over the years for allowing these thoughts to linger in my mind and heart.

     In the twenty years that have followed my young single adult years, I have allowed even more pride to enter my life. Sadly, I have succumbed to many of the vices President Benson described.

"Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride.

Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflicts. The scriptures tell us that “only by pride cometh contention.” 

The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings.

The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. (See Alma 7:23.) It is the broken heart and contrite spirit. (See 3 Ne. 9:20; 3 Ne. 12:19; D&C 20:37; D&C 59:8; Ps. 34:18; Isa. 57:15; Isa. 66:2.)"

    I have allowed my pride, in the form of contention, to affect my children. I have taken opportunities to teach them not to "fight and quarrel with one another" as we learn in the Book of Mormon, but I have not been completely diligent in my teachings nor in my example. I love peaceful moments, but I struggle so very much with quieting my tongue and not being offended. Except unto the Lord, I actually sicken at the thought of being submissive to anyone. It is in this manner which I have become so independent. This fierce independence has kept me from relying on the counsel of my husband, it has kept me somewhat at an arm's length from him since I do not want to be submissive (in appropriate ways), and contrition never has place when I feel constantly "right."

     Some of my goals for the next year are to continue with the exercises on our Gottman book in learning to yield. He teaches, "Accepting influence is an attitude, but it's also a skill that you can hone if you pay attention to how you relate to your spouse" (126). Quoting from Goddard, "The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others. God has asked us to do the opposite. We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others."

     I surely have my work cut out for me, yet I am excited to know the truth as revealed by our Heavenly Father.

With love,

Katie

Hello Friends, (Lesson 7)

     This is RIVETING: First a question posed by H. Wallace Goddard, "IS OUR FAITH A VIBRANT AND ENNOBLING POWER IN OUR LIVES?" Following are a comment and suggestion also by Goddard: "SATAN'S BEST HOPE IS TO KEEP US FROM LOOKING UP. HE MUST KEEP US FULLY ABSORBED WITH THE TRIVIAL, FRETTING OVER OUR INCONVENIENCES AND STEWING OVER OUR GRIEVANCES." "THE BEST COURSE IS TO HONOR COVENANTS. ONE OF THE BEST-KEPT SECRETS IN THIS WORLD IS THAT TROUBLED, PAINFUL RELATIONSHIPS CAN BECOME BOTH SATISFYING AND GROWTH PROMOTING AS WE FILL OURSELVES WITH FAITH IN GOD AND LOVE FOR HIS PURPOSES" (P.50,55).

     I am a huge fan of purple font, and I do adore caps, but I chose to  capitalize this opening question and statement to make it known that this is how I truly feel as well: what I KNOW to be true. 

     So what if I chose to "fret and stew" less and "fill [myself] with faith in God and love for His purposes more? Do I LOVE His purposes when they hurt or even when they are just uncomfortable? Do I really want to change? Do I truly believe that everything in my life is for MY greater good in His plan? 

     As I read Chapter 3 in our Goddard book and pondered on the exercises in our Gottman book (which encouraged me to be very introspective concerning my interactions with my husband), l was focused so much on how our Savior advocates for us and how, as we follow His example, will seek to bless the life of our spouse if we are married, but essentially that we will seek to bless the lives of all those around us. It is certainly more difficult to turn toward each other when we feel hate and anger and hostility, but as we fully allow Christ to fill our hearts, we will overcome those "natural man" tendencies. 

     I put myself in a situation some years ago that could have changed the course of my life in a soul wrenching way. Looking back, I feel ridiculously blessed for the love and mercy that my Savior poured over me during that time and in the years to come. He literally rescued me from spiritual death, just as He has rescued each of us from the effects of eternal physical death. Christ is my personal Redeemer, He is my Light,  and He is my perfect Exemplar.

     I so testify that "the best course is to honor our covenants."

With love and compassion for each of you reading,

Katie