Hello Everybody, (Lesson 8)

     Wow...PRIDE...that is a big word with only five letters that encompasses so much. In my life, I have always had to work diligently on not being prideful. My needs to be independent and to be "right" often outweigh my Christlike desires to be personally flexible and somewhat reliant on others. As a young single adult, I read "Beware of Pride" by Ezra Taft Benson for the fist time, and I remember thinking, "Why are people so prideful, and what can I do to abandon pride?" I also remember that I had already identified one aspect of pride in my own character, which was to be looking up from the bottom and judging those with more money, more influence, and more popularity. This was my way of dealing with many years of unkindness brought upon me by people with those very traits. I have had to repent over the years for allowing these thoughts to linger in my mind and heart.

     In the twenty years that have followed my young single adult years, I have allowed even more pride to enter my life. Sadly, I have succumbed to many of the vices President Benson described.

"Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride.

Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflicts. The scriptures tell us that “only by pride cometh contention.” 

The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings.

The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. (See Alma 7:23.) It is the broken heart and contrite spirit. (See 3 Ne. 9:20; 3 Ne. 12:19; D&C 20:37; D&C 59:8; Ps. 34:18; Isa. 57:15; Isa. 66:2.)"

    I have allowed my pride, in the form of contention, to affect my children. I have taken opportunities to teach them not to "fight and quarrel with one another" as we learn in the Book of Mormon, but I have not been completely diligent in my teachings nor in my example. I love peaceful moments, but I struggle so very much with quieting my tongue and not being offended. Except unto the Lord, I actually sicken at the thought of being submissive to anyone. It is in this manner which I have become so independent. This fierce independence has kept me from relying on the counsel of my husband, it has kept me somewhat at an arm's length from him since I do not want to be submissive (in appropriate ways), and contrition never has place when I feel constantly "right."

     Some of my goals for the next year are to continue with the exercises on our Gottman book in learning to yield. He teaches, "Accepting influence is an attitude, but it's also a skill that you can hone if you pay attention to how you relate to your spouse" (126). Quoting from Goddard, "The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others. God has asked us to do the opposite. We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others."

     I surely have my work cut out for me, yet I am excited to know the truth as revealed by our Heavenly Father.

With love,

Katie

Hello Friends, (Lesson 7)

     This is RIVETING: First a question posed by H. Wallace Goddard, "IS OUR FAITH A VIBRANT AND ENNOBLING POWER IN OUR LIVES?" Following are a comment and suggestion also by Goddard: "SATAN'S BEST HOPE IS TO KEEP US FROM LOOKING UP. HE MUST KEEP US FULLY ABSORBED WITH THE TRIVIAL, FRETTING OVER OUR INCONVENIENCES AND STEWING OVER OUR GRIEVANCES." "THE BEST COURSE IS TO HONOR COVENANTS. ONE OF THE BEST-KEPT SECRETS IN THIS WORLD IS THAT TROUBLED, PAINFUL RELATIONSHIPS CAN BECOME BOTH SATISFYING AND GROWTH PROMOTING AS WE FILL OURSELVES WITH FAITH IN GOD AND LOVE FOR HIS PURPOSES" (P.50,55).

     I am a huge fan of purple font, and I do adore caps, but I chose to  capitalize this opening question and statement to make it known that this is how I truly feel as well: what I KNOW to be true. 

     So what if I chose to "fret and stew" less and "fill [myself] with faith in God and love for His purposes more? Do I LOVE His purposes when they hurt or even when they are just uncomfortable? Do I really want to change? Do I truly believe that everything in my life is for MY greater good in His plan? 

     As I read Chapter 3 in our Goddard book and pondered on the exercises in our Gottman book (which encouraged me to be very introspective concerning my interactions with my husband), l was focused so much on how our Savior advocates for us and how, as we follow His example, will seek to bless the life of our spouse if we are married, but essentially that we will seek to bless the lives of all those around us. It is certainly more difficult to turn toward each other when we feel hate and anger and hostility, but as we fully allow Christ to fill our hearts, we will overcome those "natural man" tendencies. 

     I put myself in a situation some years ago that could have changed the course of my life in a soul wrenching way. Looking back, I feel ridiculously blessed for the love and mercy that my Savior poured over me during that time and in the years to come. He literally rescued me from spiritual death, just as He has rescued each of us from the effects of eternal physical death. Christ is my personal Redeemer, He is my Light,  and He is my perfect Exemplar.

     I so testify that "the best course is to honor our covenants."

With love and compassion for each of you reading,

Katie

Hello Everyone, (Lesson 6)

     In my Family 300 course, we are studying two very profound books: The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. and Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard, Ph.D. I have been in need of the counsel that comes from both of these books for many years, but I am grateful that they have come into my life at a point wherein I am truly ready to receive them and to experiment upon their challenges. I have actually decided that I want to purchase a bunch of both and give them as wedding gifts. I read a lot, and I know that these two books are something special!

     Last week in our Gottman book, we learned, "Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse" (22). Common sense admits that married couples mostly started out as friends, lest why would they marry? There are some exceptions of course, but in our Western world, it is common for people to say or to announce, "I am marrying my best friend." I feel true joy for others when they are able to rejoice in the bliss and beauty of marrying their very best friend: especially if it is for time and eternity.

     As we continue to be true friends in marriage, we will do as Wallace Goddard encourages, "We show our willingness to rescue our spouse by giving up our tiny preferences in favor of our spouse's blessing" (36). I have allowed that to sink deep into my heart this week and have formulated a number of questions for myself.

• If my BFF who lives in Phoenix was in serious disagreement with me about something, how long would I insist on being "right"?
• If I were dating my husband instead of having been married for twenty years, would I be so persnickety with him?
• If my Mom, who is my other BFF, needed me to drop all I was doing to be right over, would I do it...NOW?

        These are all rhetorical questions; I know that I would give up on being "right" to preserve my friendship, I would be more patient with my husband, and I would go to my Mom's aid. The point has been made throughout our readings this week that in order for us to truly have the relationships we really desire, we must sacrifice ourselves and ultimately live daily with a desire to act opon the will of the Lord. 

     As I strive to do better and to be better, I will continue to share these life-changing truths with others both verbally and in this blog. Most of all, I desire to share through my THOUGHTS and ACTIONS toward my husband that my learning is making a difference.

Sincerely,

Katie

I AM A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS, AND OUR STAKE (AREA) IS BEING BLESSED WITH A TEMPLE!!!!

Hello Everybody!!! (Lesson 4)

     This past weekend was the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Salt Lake City, Utah. I have never been there in person before, but I was very blessed, along with my oldest son, to be able to attend in person. The weekend was absolutely amazing, and I am grateful for the opportunity to be taught about the importance of marriage and family; the importance of gospel teaching in the home. Additionally, I am exceedingly thankful for the Prophet's (Russell M. Nelson) closing announcements regarding temples...12 of them throughout the world, ONE OF WHICH WAS ANNOUNCED FOR OUR AREA IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA!!! The blessing of being able to actually be there when the temple was announced is really indescribable... it can pretty much only be felt.

     Three segments of my life are coming together as a whole this week:

• My  Family 300 course, which I have been blogging about
• My Institute class (Foundations of the Restoration)
• General Conference

    We have been studying about the Kirtland and Nauvoo temples in Institute, and President Nelson announced all the newest temples, and we read this quote by Ezra Taft Benson, "In the peace of theses lovely temples, sometimes we find solutions to the serious problems of life. Under the influence of the Spirit, sometimes pure knowledge flows to us there. Temples are places of personal revelation." I ABSOLUTELY know this to be true and am very excited to invite friends and neighbors to the open house of our future temple. 

     I am learning this week the importance of teaching my children more intently regarding the temple and temple covenants. I tend to just go along my way, testifying more through my actions than through my words. However, I am seeing the great wisdom and necessity of also testifying through my words. It is like unto how when we bear our testimonies for others to hear, not only are others blessed, but we are as well. I desire to love my family more fervently, and I know that as I attend and serve in the temple of God, that love will become what I desire because it is what Heavenly Father desires. Time and time again throughout my life, I have learned that family is the most important "thing," person/people, event, job, hobby, goal, and/or endeavor EVER, EVER, EVER. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, gave His life so that we may return to Him, together with our families. He has made it possible for us to be sealed as spouses and children; He has made it possible for our children to return to us though they may stray; He has made it possible for us to experience eternal joy. To the Lord, I am eternally grateful!

Love,

Katie

photo credit: lds.org, Salt Lake Temple

Hello Friends!  (Lesson 3)

 I am richly blessed with friends who are willing to share their honest views on issues, though they may differ from mine. I have shared this story time and time again, but my closest friend's (Michelle) husband has long asked, in regards to Michelle's and my friendship "How can the two of you get along so well and believe so differently?" Our answer: "Why not?" Additionally, we have come to find in our twenty years of friendship, that we are not really that different! 

     I openly welcome opportunities to share what I believe as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints, thus the birth of this very blog many years ago. I truly appreciate this opportunity to be more educated regarding the rulings of Obergefell v.Hodges,the decision of the Supreme Court to make legal same-sex marriages, which I have never taken the opportunity to read. Having the opportunity to study the reasoning from the majority as well as the wisdom of those who dissented brought up many points which I had considered in the past but had never exactly been able to put words to. For instance, it is typical of friends who believe differently than me concerning same-sex marriage to cite how we are closed-minded or unable to accept that others with a different view of marriage are able to receive health benefits...etc.  

     Most of all, I value Roberts' assessment: "The fundamental right to marry does not include a right to make a state change its definition of marriage." And why, the majority did not see the connection with one of their closing remarks, I do not understand. The majority stated, "Marriage is the foundation of the family and of society, without which there would be neither civilization or progress." This remark could very well be an argument for heterosexual marriages, except for the context in which is is used. 

     In my life, I strive to live as (then) Elder Nelson counseled, "The future of marriage and of countless human lives will be determined by your willingness to bear solemn witness of the Lord and live according to His gospel." THIS I KNOW AND THIS I DO.

With Love,

Katie

References: Nelson, Russell. Disciples of Jesus Christ - Defenders of Marriage.Aug 2014                          BYU Speeeches. 

                    Obergefell v.Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States. 

Hello Friends,   (Lesson 2)

    I have embarked upon a new journey! In my last post, way too long ago, I wrote about the Pathway program which I finished in December 2017. I am now in my fourth course of my formal education. My major is Marriage and Family Studies, and the course I am taking this semester is simply titled, "Marriage." One of our responsibilities for class is to post on our blog regarding what we have learned throughout the week in our reading and interactions which are built into the course material. I am happy to have this opportunity to purposefully and regularly blog about the things that mean the most to  me. Thank you for sharing this time here with me; may we each be richly blessed in our MOST treasured relationships: OUR FAMILIES in whatever way they are structured!

     In establishing our own family and in choosing how to parent, I am grateful for my mother who is a transitional character in my life and for the lives that follow. As Carlfred Broderick taught in the May 1987 Liahona, "...God actively intervenes in some destructive lineages, assigning a valiant spirit to break the chain of destructiveness in such families." She has done just that. My mom came from generations of alcoholism, and as was such for the time in general, families who did not invest much time in their children. Though my mom suffered much in her life, she knew that her children would be her most precious treasures, and she chose to break the cycle that had truly plagued her family for so long....how grateful I am!

     The National Marriage Project publishes a "State of Our Unions" to regularly assess and advise on marriage in America. The NMP maintains, "Marriage is not merely a private arrangement; it is also a complex social institution. Marriage fosters small cooperative unions - also known as stable families - that enable children to thrive, shore up communities, and help family members to succeed during good times and to weather the bad times." I am thankful for The Family: a Proclamation to the World, a declaration of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints regarding families and how much the two go hand in hand. 

     I am thankful that entities and agencies across the nation are taking a good hard look at what is happening in marriage and families, taking the time to study not only current trends but trends of the past as well. I appreciate that many agencies are realizing the importance of positive father figures and look forward to seeing increasing competence in how to integrate husband/father courses as well as marriage courses in general. 

     I have had the advantage of living in mostly conservative communities which value and hold sacred the marriage union and cling to the traditional family. I do see more and more, though, the negativity toward spouses in everyday conversation. Sadly today, I read a Facebook post regarding the music abilities of the children in one of my children's classes as "irritating" and "bothersome." I chose to make a positive comment on the page, saying that I appreciate the school having a music program at all, and how much I loved hearing my son play. I know that each of us can make a difference upon those we touch, whether we know them personally or not!

Sincerely,

Katie

That I Might Have JOY!!!

    Hi Everyone!! 
     Since my last post, I have started an AMAZING new journey in my education. The Pathway program which is offered through BYU-Idaho and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is a year long educational program which, after I complete, I will be more prepared to further my higher education. My long term goal is to earn an online Bachelor's Degree in Marriage and Family Studies through BYU-Idaho. I have many passions in relation to this degree; only Heavenly Father knows where all of those will lead me.
     In our reading of the Book of Mormon this week, we get to learn about a scripture in 2 Nephi 2:25: "Adam fell that me might be; and men are, that they might have joy." First off, "men" means, in this instance, men, women and children. In studying about this scripture, I have come to a stronger belief of it's truth and that had Adam not partaken of the "forbidden fruit", none of us would be on the earth. And though I cannot describe it as eloquently as some of the talks I have recently read, essentially, Christ's Atonement could not have happened either, nor would the entire Plan of Salvation which God has made possible for each of us. And since Christ was to come into the world to set a perfect example for us, and since we were all to be here on Earth, and since we need the Atonement (Christ's giving of His life for us, suffering for our sins, understanding our pains, being our ADVOCATE), it was essential for Adam to fall from the presence of God. He did not sin, he transgressed: an often overlooked difference in wording and definitely in meaning.
     I have been wanting to include in my blog the following quote by Russell M. Nelson (and now is a wonderful time to do it): "What will you and I be able to endure as we focus on the joy that is 'set before' us? What repenting will become a strength? What chastening will become a blessing? What disappointments, even tragedies, will turn to our good? And what challenging service to the Lord will we be able to give?"
     That is so POWERFUL!!! I, like most in this world, do not look forward to or welcome disappointments or tragedies. However, as we view enduring, repenting, chastening, service and yes, even tragedy through the lens of our eternal lives and the growth that our merciful God desires for us, we see His plan. We feel His love, we take upon us His strength, we feel blessed, we serve with joy, we know good, and we DO HAVE JOY!!!

May each of you truly be blessed with joy on this day, 
even in great physical or emotional pain,
even in the depths of disappointment or tragedy,

Love,
Katie