People, places and planes

I will be writing a lot in tonight's blog!
The following is from www.myoneword.org , and it is very profound in my life at this moment: "Whether we realize it or not, we tend to live our lives like we are in a House of Mirrors by engaging in the game of self preservation. Eventhough we crave to be in relationships with others where we are known, vulnerability is something we fear at the same time...even in our [closest] relationships there are often barriers that are erected to manage an image that we want to maintain. The barrier to developing authentic relationships is self preservation. In general, we want others to perceive us better than we even perceive ourselves. We often struggle with disappointing other people or not measuring up to some standard that always feels out of reach."
"We are afraid that if we take off our masks or expose our problems, we will be rejected...we struggle with whether others will perceive us as normal or not. If things remain the same and we allow self preservation to exist, we hinder our spiritual formation and growth. If we are to continue to grow out of our struggles we meed a community around us. If we are more concerned with our own self preservation we will hide behind an image that we want others to have about us. Our desire for self preservation is often at the expense of developing authentic relationships with those around us. So how do we start? As with all things, we CENTER ON GOD."
"If we are going to develop authentic relationships, we have to be AUTHENTIC ourselves and authentic with God about where we are. Authenticity is an accurate reflection of truth. Authenticity enables us to truly reflect where we currently are in our relationship with God. Whether it is good, bad, or ugly, our HONESTY serves as a starting point for conversations to begin and changes to occur."
So I absolutely agree with all of those things, but in my study of these words, I wonder, "How do I know whether or not I am living an authentic life? I like to believe that I am...that I would not be anythhing less than authentic. That is even what I tell people. And a few things come to mind: that the things we read and hear that are of God are put into our lives at specefic times for a purpose. Secondly, when others are able to point out to me in a loving way, (which has happened recently) that perhaps my life is not all that authentic, I need to listen. Lastly, in my quest for understanding this in my life, I know that I need to start as directed and CENTER ON CHRIST. I know that that is truly the only way.
And now a complete change of pace: I still have not discussed my trip through California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas and back again in exactly the reverse order. I had the great privilege of traveling with my sister and nephew and their unexpected to be amazing but amazing dog. As we passed county lines in CA, that got me all excited and when we entered AZ, it was so exciting to be in a new state. Being away gave me an opportunity to ponder upon such topics as I wrote about above: and though the word authenticity did not enter my mind, it is the word I would use to define my whole thought experience. New Mexico was a whole new experience...flat and really dry. Beauty prevailed in the amazingly artistic overpasses...especially the ones close to and in Albequerque. Then tada...TEXAS with all of its glorious fields and cows...and me hoping to see an armadillo or an elk. Typically I am the good luck charm when it comes to seeing wildlife on a road trip, but not so this time. I got to share a whole day with my sister (LOVE YOU MG!!!) in her new town, which is adorable...and ridiculously humid. I treasure our time in the car together, at the hotels we stayed at and eating pizza that was delivered one night, and getting to be at her home. I am grateful for getting to see some of the city's history the next day before catching my flight home.
Because I strive for a certain sense of anonominity {is that a word?} in my blog, I have left out so much detail and feeling which I have written in my regular journal. However, this last section will be much more detailed as I do not know the names of the people of whom I will be speaking. All I know is that I was supposed to be in the places I was in sharing time with the people I was with. I missed my original flight which was going to stop in NM and then have a plane change in LA: which was fine with me because the LA airport is my least favorite of all airports I have been to. Anyhow, I left TX and flew to NM: on that leg of the trip, I sat next to a middle aged woman and a guy who is probably a few years younger than me. He and I talked about family, work, animals, travel and parenting methods: he and his wife have a four year old little boy and we were discussing how important it is to teach our children how to be somewhat self sufficent instead of ridiculously dependent. He said he went a little overboard teaching his son that because recently when he had a couple of days off in a row his son was asking when he would be going back to work instead of what they were going to do together. I told him not to worry so much and told him the true stories of M, at the age of two, pushing kitchen chairs over to the counter so he could climb up to get his own candy.
From NM to AZ, I sat in the very back of the plane next to a very special couple who I could tell immediately loved each other deeply with all of their hearts: they were an inspiration to me. We talked about family and travel and religion. She works for Southwest, so they get to travel a lot, which I thought was so awesome. I had the opportunity to tell them about our adoption story: it was so beautiful to share and know that they needed to hear our story on that day. I truly loved this couple; they have been married the same amount of time as Don and I have, they have three children and are considering possibly adopting someday. It was truly a pleasure meeting people outside of my regular circle who value their marriage and their precious children as gifts from our loving Heavenly Father.
Then from AZ to CA, I sat a seat away from a father and a little boy who was throwing up most of the flight. I could tell the father was tired out from caring for his little son. As they returned to their seats after using the bathroom, the father asked the guy in the seat in front of him to put his seat up, well the guy did not hear the dad because he was engrossed in a book. The dad started getting really upset and began to raise his voice at the other man: I leaned over and explained to the dad that the other man had been reading and did not even hear his request. The dad was still all put out, so I suggested that he sit back in his seat and try to relax, which amazingly, he did. And then later, as our flight was near complete, the dad leaned up, patted the other guy on the shoulder and apologized. I was so proud of him and could not help but thank Heavenly Father for helping me to help make a difference in a person's life.
I am very grateful for all of those who made this trip a possibility: Don, my parents, my sisters, JW and KW and to GB for being our first away from home dog sitter!!
Eventhough we all try to plan our lives to the best of our abilities, Heavenly Father will have us be where we should be when we should be there when we are doing our all.

With much love, and particularly because of all that I wrote tonight, with much FAITH, K

Behind!

Yeah, I am so behind with all that I want to write. I will do some today and some tomorrow. First, here are the amazing things I have read lately: "The world is filled with yellow canaries with gray on their wings. [People who may not be the most beautiful or talented, yet they are people who can bless the lives of others with their testimonies of Christ.] The pity is that so precious few have learned to sing. Some are young people who don't know who they are, what they can be or even want to be; all they want is to be somebody. Others are stooped with age, burdened with care, or filled with doubt- living lives far below the level of their capabilities.To live GREATLY, we must develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with HUMILITY. You ask, "How might we achieve these goals?" I answer, "By gaining a true perspective of who we really are!" We are sons and daughters of a living God, in whose image we have been created. Think of that: created in the image of God.We cannot sincerely hold this conviction without experiencing a profound new sense of strength and power." -Thomas S. Monson, June Ensign (www.lds.org)
The following is from The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox: "God is not interested in what will make Him likable or most popular in the moment. He is concerned only with what is best." "No matter how many balls I had juggled and let fall, how much lack of self control I demonstrated, and how many regrets I carried from the past, He (God) was bound to love me. No matter what my future might turn out to be, He is bound to love me. Not only did He require me to have faith and confidence in Him, but He is required to have faith and confidence in me. No foreknowledge can stop Him from investing His all in each moment, just as no foreknowledge stopped Christ form investing His all in Gethsemane and Calvary. Earth life is not merely a way of proving myself to them, but also a way for them to prove their love to me. God and Jesus are bound to believe in me- in my potential and possibilities- even when I don't. God is bound to be as close to me as He is to any of His children because He is a perfect parent. If I fail, it will not be because He has. And knowing He has not failed gives me the power I need to succeed." "By allowing freedom and helping me outgrow the desire to make poor choices, the balance of justice and mercy is maintained and love grows even stronger. It is a harder road, but it is the only one worth traveling because, while much is endured, love is preserved." "God and Christ have been victorious and Satan and his followers have been thwarted at each essential turning point except one- the turning point in our individual lives. Satan cannot undo the Creation, the Fall, the Atonement, or the Restoration. He cannot pull them down, so instead he tries to pull us down." "Robert L. Millet wrote, "'There is a better and higher motivation...that is above and beyond self-discipline, well beyond sheer willpower and dogged determination. It is a motivation born of the Spirit, one that comes to us as a result of a change of heart."' "Making promises to ourselves or even to others is like putting water in a gas tank. Sure, it fills the tank, but it will not get us to our final destination. Only by making covenants can we find the proper fuel- the power- that makes the difference. Covenants connect us to Christ, who said, "'I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."' "We may stumble, but He never does. We may falter, but He never will. We may feel out of control, but He never is...Covenants forge a link between our telestial, mortal struggles and God's celestial, immortal powers (Patricia T. Holland). And B.H. Roberts "Even after the sins of the past are forgiven, the one so pardoned will doubtless feel the force of sinful habits bearing heavily upon him.. There is an absolute necessity for some additional sanctifyiong grace that will strengthen poor human nature...Man's natural powers are unequal to this task...Such strength, such power, such a a sanctifying grace is conferred on man in being born of the Spirit- in receiving the Holy Ghost."

What a loving Father in Heaven we have who blesses with all of the blessings mentioned above. He even makes things right when we are late or lacking, like when we miss an airplane flight. He makes it right by helping us to know without a doubt that the people we met on the next flight were absolutely the sons and daughters: brothers and sisters He would have us meet on that very day and at that very time: both for them and for us. That is where I will begin next time.

Thank you all for your prayers, Love, K

To SK

This post is dedicated to my brother in law, SK.

As I was driving this evening, I heard this song and thought of you. I thought of me. It is called "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North: here are most of the lyrics:

So you thought you had to keep this up

All the work that you do

So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough

All the walls you built up

Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down

There's freedom waiting in the sound

When you let your walls fall to the ground

We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh

This is where the healing starts

When you come to where you're broken within

The light meets the dark

The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out

Everything that you hide

Can come crashing through the door now

But too scared to face all your fear

So you hide but you find

That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down

There's freedom waiting in the sound

When you let your walls fall to the ground...

This is where the healing begins...

It is crazy when you have known somebody for over 12 years, many times thinking how different they are from yourself eventhough you love them. Then one day you look in the mirror to find that you are really not that different at all. You see that person in you and they see you in them. That is the beauty of the Lord's plan for family: he does not leave any of us alone: EVER. He does not leave us without others to love and comfort and bless us. And we all need to be held in each other's hearts.

To know that another understands because though thousands of miles away, they are experiencing life so much the same, but different. Different experiences, but with the same consequences and the same lessons learned. Lessons I think we all learn at sometime if we allow our hearts to learn and bend and HUMBLE. Ponder that big world: HUMBLE (yes, I did say world instead of word). Thanks SK for the insights to that word.

Here are some thoughts for all of us to ponder from one of my favorite websites, www.myoneword.org . SK check that out!

"Living authentically means being vulnerable and transparent."

"The challenge before us is to step up our walk by examining our heart."

"In Christ we have the fulness of love necessary to live with others without having to get."

I have been counseled by a trusted source to find something to call my own: my own hobby where I feel joy. Besides Shawnie and Leo, I think I am opening the door to something new that I really enjoy. Two weeks ago, for the second time in my life, I shot six arrows from a bow at a Scout activity. I hit the target every time, which I thought was OK: I did not get any bulls eyes. Then today, I shot the arrows again at another activity with the same accuracy as before. The scouts commented on the accuracy of my shot, as many of them practice on a regular basis. It made me feel good to possibly uncover a hidden talent: I want to read up on archery and maybe get my own set. I encourage everyone to try new things: I thought I would be horrible, but I really enjoyed this new sporty challenge. Tip: only use a compound bow if you have arm guards on! I have a nice battle wound!

Love you all, blessings to you, SK Love, K

About Leo

I met Leo the day we adopted Prince. D had looked at all of the dogs and there was Leo, an adorable mix, who I think is part Sheltie, but the shelter has him listed as a different type of mix. Anyway, there he was in the very last kennel with his buddy, a huge St. Bernard. The two of them were brought in together as strays. For me, it was love at first sight, but I knew that it would be unwise to suggest to Robert that he try out any certain dog, as I wanted it to be completely his choice. Besides the fact that he chose a kitten. I did not get my heart set on Leo because at that time, we did not have an "opening" in our family. Little did I know the Lord's plan. Leo and his St. Bernard buddy were brought in the day before Malden passed away, and that being two and a half weeks ago now, I have had many occasions to check up on the two buddies because I do not want them to be put down. I have talked to so many people about the St. Bernard, and finally I found somebody today who may go look at her tomorrow! And it is extra neat, because she has had a St. Bernard before!! So I met Leo on a Saturday and I would call every other day to check on them as well as checking PetHarbor.com everyday to see if either of them had success in being adopted. Then the following Friday, I took Tino to the vet and I knew the decision we had to make. On Tuesday, a week ago today, we had him put down for his own well being. Though I know it was best, it was still so hard, having been with him for 12 years. I will spare you all of the emotional details, but the short of the story is that I decided to go into the cat room at the animal shelter to listen to the music and relax and check in on some of my new buddies. Then I decided that I should go visit Leo, and I was able to get him out of his kennel, with the assistance of a very special worker, M. I learned that Leo does pretty well on the leash and is very sweet tempered. He even dealt well with being away from his friend. I still did not really think that we would bring him to live with us forever, but I really liked him a lot and was convinced that I could find him a home. So later in the week, I spoke with the director about foster care for him and if I could become a foster care volunteer, but come to find out, the animal shelter does not sponsor that type of program. In my heart, I knew that I could not leave him to his pending fate, and nobody had been looking at him, though plenty of people had looked at the St. Bernard. On Thursday night, I got online to show him to Don and asked if we could adopt him. I was completely amazed when Don said yes!!! So on Friday on the way to the temple, we stopped at the animal shelter to fill out paperwork and to pay for him. I ran back to him with complete excitement and told him that we are "busting him out!" I have been so excited all weekend to get to bring him home tomorrow after he has his vet appointment and neutering. I took M to see him today, and though we were not able to get him out becuase the shelter was low staffed today, it was good to see him and that he was happy and doing well. I am still praying that his buddy will find a forever home shortly. It would be so cool if they could go home on the same day. So I bought him a collar today, and yeah, it is purple. I am SOOO excited to bring him home tomorrow afternoon and to see what he will think of Don, D, M, Shawnie, Lilly, Prince, and Scraps. And when he is all better from his surgery, I am excited to see if he will enjoy running with Shawnie and I. I am excited to see if he will like going to parks, if he likes water and if he knows how to play. I am excited to know what he has learned and what I can teach him.Looking at timing and my need to heal, I have no doubt that Heavenly Father has not only placed loving Shawnie in my life, but also Leo, whose personality is yet to be revealed. Had both of our well loved dogs not passed within such a short time of each other, I would not now be having this experience: for me or for Leo. There is still so much love in my heart for dog friends: the Lord added to that love during this experience and has protected me from negativity and excessive sadness. Those in my immediate life have offered up so many prayers of healing and protection for me.
I feel like I am writing a book about this experience, so time to move to a new subject: M's hilarious ways!! Last week, we had a crazy hail and rain storm, so D went outside to feel it on his clothes and skin. The water was really coming down as M and I watched from the window. Suddenly he got an adorable smile on his face and I could tell he was about to say something funny. "Mommy, his clothes are taking a bath!!" D's clothes truly were soaked when he came in.
I want to share with all of you this wonderful quote from the April General Conference: this is from Bishop Keith B. McMullin "The prayer of faith bears fruit when such harmony exists, and this harmony exists when prayers are inspired by the Holy Spirit. The Spirit manifests what our petitions should be. Absent this inspired guidance, we are inclined to "'ask amiss'", to seek only our will and not "'Thy will"'. It is as important to be guided by the Holy Spirit while praying as it is to be enlightened by that same spirit while receiving an answer to prayer."

May we all pray for one another, K